The Raspberry Seed You Can't Floss Out
by Flying Penguinz
Summary: Myrnin loves Darkwing Duck. He's watching an episode one day, and wants to be Darkwing for a game he wants to play with Claire. Crack fic... watch out. :D Inspiration from Lunamoon2012.
1. I Am Darkwing Duck

**Haha, like some of the others who have talked about that Facebook contest, this is _my_ entry. Me and my friends decided crack fics would be more fun.**

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**The Raspberry Seed You Can't Floss Out**

"_I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am Darkwing Duck."_

Myrnin smiled at the television. He watched his favorite character flapping through the night to save the world from the criminals. He laughed as he always did when he saw Darkwing Duck come into the picture.

"Myrnin!" Claire shouted from the beaker she was attending to. "Stop being so ridiculous!" He'd actually told her to watch it so it wouldn't explode. "This is a cucumber in vinegar! This isn't going to explode any time soon." Myrnin hadn't wanted her to bother him while he was watching Darkwing Duck.

"How do you know I didn't inject a chemical into the cucumber's center so once the vinegar penetrates the cucumber's exterior it would explode?" he asked, not taking his eyes from the TV.

"Because you love pickles," Claire retorted. "You'd never waste a cucumber and some vinegar just for an explosion. Besides, you can make explosions whenever you want."

Valid.

There was a sudden crash from the television as Darkwing rescued a pedestrian from a perpetrator

"What are you watching?" Claire asked, glancing at the screen for the first time. "Darkwing Duck?" An unbelieving, skeptical look crossed her face. "Really?"

"Yes! I _love_ Darkwing Duck!" he yelled, slightly disgusted she didn't enjoy Darkwing as much as he. "Claire! Let's play the Darkwing game!" Myrnin jumped up, smiling brightly at his own clever idea.

"Myrnin, no," Claire said, just as Myrnin stood up to play. "Just... no."

"Why not? Please, Claire? Please? It'll be fun!"

"No thank you," she said with a small sigh. "Now," she said, turning around to look at the slightly messy lab, "what do we have to do today?" Claire was always business. That's what he usually liked about her, but sometimes Myrnin thought she needed to stop being so stern. Or she might one day become a humorless Amelie. And Claire becoming a cold, icy Amelie was a horrid idea in his mind.

"Well, can we at least play _one_ game? It doesn't even have to be Darkwing Duck. It can be whatever you want it to be!" Myrnin said pleaded. He didn't care if it was the game he liked, he just didn't want Claire to be a smaller version of Amelie.

Claire sighed yet again. He hated it when she did that. "Fine. _One_ game."

"What shall it be?"

"A round of hide and seek."

"Wonderful! Who's going to count? Oh, but more importantly, who is going to _hide_?" Myrnin asked, happy Claire was playing.

"You can hide, Myrnin," Claire said, turning around to count.

"Count to twenty, and _no _peeking," Myrnin warned as he zoomed off at vampire speed to find a hiding spot. There weren't many places for a grown man to hide in Myrnin's little home, but there was one place: behind the purple velvet curtains that were hung in front of the way to Myrnin's back rooms.

"...nineteen... twenty. Ready or not, here I come," she said, quite unenthusiastically. Myrnin heard her little feet padding over to where he stood, quietly snickering. "Myrnin, I can see your feet."

"No you can't!"

"...Yeah, I can."

"Darn." Myrnin pulled the curtain further down, forcing it to cover his feet, but the bar was pulled out of the wall and the purple velvet came crashing onto the ground around him. Myrnin glanced up at Claire with a shocked look on his face. "Amelie is _not_ going to be happy. She chose those drapes when we built my lab so long ago."

Claire seemed to pale a bit when she heard of Amelie getting angry. "Can we fix them somehow?" She walked over and picked up a side of the fabric off the ground.

Realization shone in Myrnin's eyes when he understood that the purple velvet of the drape matched the purple cloth of Darkwing Duck's cape.

_They were going to play Darkwing Duck anyway!_

Myrnin picked up the velvet and tied it around his neck. He smiled at Claire's

disbelief as he opened a portal to Amelie's studies and stepped right on through, temporarily forgetting about the drapes that had been a gift.

Myrnin heard Claire follow close behind, muttering, "Amelie is _not_ going to be happy…"

"Myrnin," Amelie said, setting down a pen as she glanced up at the open portal before Myrnin even placed a foot on her plush carpet. The question on Claire's face said everything. Amelie replied with, "He is the only one rude enough to barge into my studies without a scheduled meeting."

"Oh," Claire said, nodding, trying to look sympathetic.

"Amelie! I'm Darkwing Duck!" Myrnin announced, adjusting his makeshift cape.

"Myrnin? Are those the drapes _I_ gave you so many years ago?" Amelie asked, narrowing her eyes at the cloth around Myrnin's neck.

Myrnin dismissed the question with a wave of his hand. Claire gulped, but Amelie noticed nothing. "I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out," Myrnin said, remembering his favorite line from the television show.

Amelie rubbed her temples, seeming upset about Myrnin's cape. "It fits you," she said wearily.

"Thank you!" Myrnin said, beaming, taking it as a compliment. "Do you need me to save Morganville from villains? I could do it, Amelie! I could!"

"No, Myrnin, I believe Morganville is doing well enough without your... help," Amelie said, picking up her pen once more.

Myrnin quietly brooded this for a moment, when a light shone in his eyes. A light Claire didn't think would lead to things happening that would be appropriate for children to see. A light that seemed darkly devious and terrifying.

"...What if I were to visit Oliver?"

Myrnin didn't even wait for an answer. He barked a harsh laugh and snapped his cape like a Spanish Conquistador and opened a portal. Myrnin stepped through, the smell of coffee wafted into Amelie's studies.

"Oliver!" he yelled as he entered and closed the portal behind him quickly.


	2. Let's Get Dangerous

Myrnin went through the portal, shutting it behind him quickly so Claire or Amelie didn't try and follow him. He emerged from the back rooms of Oliver's stupid coffee shop. He ignored the urge to ransack and shuffle through Oliver's things and left the less populated rooms. He walked into the main place full of bustling coffee students and few vampires. Myrnin's eyes scanned the room. And as they did, he muttered Darkwing Duck's catch phrase to himself so only he could hear, "Let's get _dangerous_." Then he tightened the velvet cape around his neck.

And then they came to rest on the man behind the counter pulling shots for children. Oh, Oliver. That man looked so dreadfully out of place. He was working with human _teenagers_. And, not to mention, forcing smiles.

While some might think those smiles of Oliver's were genuine, Myrnin knew better. He saw the cold depths of Oliver's heart through his merciless eyes. And just as he was thinking of what kind of evil thoughts that brain of Oliver's was thinking, Oliver's eyes snapped to meet his and it seemed like the whole world froze for that moment.

Enemies.

The old man's voice snapped Myrnin back to reality. "Myrnin, what in the world are you wearing those ridiculous curtains for?" He was now smirking, trying to perturb Myrnin.

Myrnin returned from his mind's babbling to look at Oliver coldly. Myrnin suppressed an angry growl. He was not here to fight. He was here to rid Morganville of evil villains. "Ridiculous? I'll have you know, these are incredibly expensive, made from fine velvet Amelie picked out herself!" Myrnin came back to the reason he was at Oliver's stupid coffee shop. "Anyway, you're going to have to come with me, sir."

Oliver seemed to not understand for a moment, being thrown back by Myrnin's remark, he lost his smirk. "What?"

"Yes, you heard me. Did you think your crimes would go unnoticed for long? You were obviously mistaken," Myrnin said seriously.

"What crimes?" Oliver was wearing that expression that hid his guiltiness, but also had the gleam of suspiciousness in his eyes that made it obvious he had something to hide. "And if I am being accused of a crime I have unconsciously committed, why would Amelie send a fool like you to come 'arrest' me?" Oliver was unhappy Myrnin was embarrassing him in public.

Well, he'd been embarrassed plenty of times before, so one more time shouldn't hurt anyone.

"Being a posing hippie who smokes marinjuwhanna," Myrnin said with a grin. Oliver nearly sighed with relief that Myrnin hadn't found out just what crimes he was actually committing.

Oliver responded to Myrnin's quip with, "I'm not a hippie."

"No, you're correct, you are not. Which is why you're a poser." Myrnin muttered as an aside, "Claire taught me the word." He then resumed his normal speaking voice and continued, "And Oliver, you deny smoking marinjuwhanna?"

"I smoke nothing of the sort," Oliver said angrily.

Myrnin rolled his eyes. "Whatever. You'd better come with me then, or else I'll have to break out the cuffs."

"What are you talking about?"

"_Hand_cuffs, Oliver. Obviously."

"You haven't any on you," Oliver said.

"So?" Myrnin flipped his cape in a conquistador-like style and said to Oliver, "Follow me."

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**There it is. Chapter two.**


End file.
